children

Okay, I know this is a reoccurring theme with me but it is something I feel rather passionate about. Last night I went out to a restaurant with some other women. Half of them I had never met before. People are always surprised when they find out I have children, ages 11, 13 and almost 2. Their first question to me is always, "Was she a surprise or was she planned?" My response was that we were always open to more & have never used artificial birth control. One of the women's responses caught me off guard as she asked if I am Catholic. Well, yes I'm Catholic but I still don't think it has much to do with my decision. I am not opposed to artificial birth control. What I am opposed to is people deciding on their own, apart from God how many children they will have. This happens so often, equally as much among christians where they make the decision on their own to have only one or two kids and they don't even think to consult God on the issue. I think the reason for this is because we have the wrong attitude regarding children. We see them more as a right instead of a gift. This is also why people that can't have children end up turning to invitro or other artificial means to conceive. Children are seen more as a piece of property and a right.
Everyone is familiar with the Duggers, the family that has 17 kids. Now, it takes a special person to have that many kids. Personally, I don't think I could do it but I have a lot of respect for them. There is one thing I like that Mrs. Dugger says when asked if she thinks they have too many children. She answers by asking if there could be too many flowers in the world.
I think it is awesome that God allows us to share in his creative power and bring a being into the world that will go on to live into eternity. I still want to use wisdom and seek his direction on timing but I also want to be open to how many he wants to give me and not take that decision lightly. If he has plans for me to have more that means I will be able to handle it.

God is not always logical

A few months back Tom & I attended a conference where the main speaker was a guy by the name of Graham Cooke. I've been listening to his teachings for about 10 yrs. now & they have been life changing. He is into the prophetic but most of all is REALLY big on character & talks alot about how God uses trials to mold us into his image. Anyway, at this last conference he talked about how God doesn't always call us to do the logical thing but often our logical mind can get in the way of what he wants to do. He also talked about how in this coming year many of us would be called to do things that didn't seem to logical. I've been thinking about this & it is definitely fitting for Tom & I right now. If you think about it, it doesn't seem too logical that we would work so hard to get where we are, training & planting a church & leave it all to become Catholic. In the natural world it doesn't make much sense but I have complete peace that we are in God's will.

Another area I have been sorta wrestling w/ God about is the area of more children. Logically it makes no sense that I would be willing to put my body or my family through another pregnancy. In fact I dread the thought of it! Even though God saw me through them & got me to term he allowed me to suffer & I was quite misserable! I feel pretty confident however that there are at least one or two more little Ponchaks in the future. I guess 9 months is nothing compared to a new life that will go on to live into eternity though. We'll see what happens....

The Journey

I kind of shyed away from blogging on here. I've been blogging over on myspace where I could keep my blog private and accessible to only a few friends. Now that we have gone public with our news I feel a little more free to share. I am copying & pasting my latest posts from there concerning this journey we are on. Maybe they will be insightful. You'll have to start from the bottom & go up though.


August 20, 2007 - Monday
Vanity
So, our latest journey back into the Catholic church has got me thinking about a few things. Wondering how often Christians & also wondering if I have ever been guilty of choosing a church because the people there looked young, cool & attractive. Even choosing a church because they have hip music & the pastor can preach. I'm thinking these things might be rather vain. The reason I got to thinking about this is because at the Catholic church on Sundays I have observed that the people aren't necessarily the most attractive. There are a lot of old people. There is one man in particular named Victor who is mentally challenged & will come up to you, talk in a loud voice & repeat himself over & over. Your instincts kick in when you see him & you want to avoid him. Victor though is one of God's children's too & can probably teach us something about ourselves if we will listen.
I have attended many types of churches. Many just seemed more like self-help groups to me. I think what should really be important when choosing a church home is whether we are encountering Christ, which isn't about a feeling. That is one thing I am at confident about. I know I am encountering Jesus through communion & am being led into greater intimacy with him. These things are invaluable! It is through that foundation that you can also have true community.

August 12, 2007 - Sunday
It’s good to be home!
Well, it's official. Tom & are are back in the Catholic church. We met with a priest yesterday from St. Joes. Catholics are often misunderstood by protestants. This priest was definitely plugged in & seemed like a very holy man. There were several things he said, like he was reading my thoughts, that let me know the Holy Spirit was working through him. He also heard my confession which was SOOOO refreshing! There really is grace involved in the sacraments! It feels really good to be back. I just feel like I am being more true to who I really am. Already it is doing wonders for my prayer life. We still look forward to meeting with the folks at Matthew's House but maybe now we will have more to give. It will come from an overflow of what we are receiving. It was also ironic. One reason we left 10 yrs. ago is it didn't seem like there was a place for us. Yesterday while talking to this priest his head was spinning as he was also thinking of all these areas of need & ways we could serve the church. I think he was excited about our background. For now though I am just happy to "be" for a while. I just want to sit & soak. I'm sure eventually I will want to do more though.

July 19, 2007 - Thursday
reflections
I don't think things are always so black and white, especially when trying to figure out God's plan for one's life. I think sometimes he even leads us to do things just so we can see that deep down it is not really what we are desiring to do. An example of this would be a network marketing business I got involved with last year. I've been through a lot of crap with ministry & churches in the past (not our current one :) & was praying that the Lord would just let me live a nice leisurely life. After all I would observe my sister & her husband who were Christians & yet they have a couple of boats & go out on the water just about every week. Kind of got me a little envious. So, this "opportunity of a lifetime" comes up & I jumped on it. After all there were others who were doing very well with it & able to sit back & live a nice life. Well, halfway into it I realize a nice leisurely life isn't really what I was desiring deep down. After searching my heart I realized I have never desired the American dream of a white picket fence & a Pleasantville type neighborhood. Actually I find that all to be quite boring. What is DEEPLY branded on my heart is to be Franciscan (follow Jesus in the way of St. Francis of Assisi). To live simply and humbly,put others above myself, to live in community, etc., etc. This has also got me wondering if I am being true to myself by even being Protestant. There are some very Catholic things that are deeply engraved on my heart that I can't seem to shake. The more I pray the stronger they get. I don't know...I guess we will see where God is leading us next.

June 6, 2007 - Wednesday
Tom's job
Well, things are still up in the air with Tom's job. It looks pretty definite that Florida is getting rid of PIP (no fault). Even if by some miracle they decide to keep it Tom's job is still unstable. They are really overstaffed. Departments that Tom oversees as a manager have also been getting transferred which leaves less & less for him to manage making Tom wonder when they are going to realize they don't need him. Anyway, so far nothing else has come up. It is looking more & more likely that we are going to have to pursue something out of state. It is hard not to be anxious. I have been in quite a funk. I recently repented & have come out of it realizing it was a symptom of my lack of trust and when everything does end up working out I would feel so silly for letting myself get depressed. God has never let us down before & I'm sure he has a plan. I do wish I knew what it was though. I guess this way I can grow more in my faith. Meanwhile there has been a lot of grace to pray & the desire to form a Franciscan monastic community has been growing. I don't know what all this means. If I try to wrap my brain around it all it gets rather confusing. So, I guess I just need to take one day at a time & trust that he will lead us & bring about these desires that I believe he has placed on our hearts. Meanwhile we really could use the prayers of our friends. Thanks.

a couple thoughts

We went to a friends wedding today. Just thinking how different Protestant weddings are from Catholic weddings. Our service was 2 hrs. long. There was lots of worship, lots of scripture readings, and mass. At the reception there was lots of dancing and drinking (not getting drunk, just some wine & champane). Most Protestant weddings we have been to have lasted 20 to 30 minutes and there has not been any drinking or dancing at the reception. Maybe I'm a heathen but I kind of like the drinking and dancing :) A lot of people I guess like weddings to be short and sweet. We probably tortured a lot of people at ours.

On another note but similar, I find that I still have a Catholic mindset in regards to procreation. A friend of mine recently had a dream in which I had two more children. The thought of being pregnant again (my pregnancies are far from normal) makes me want to cry but I wouldn't mind having more. I think it is awesome to be able to share in God's creative power that way. I think one of the greatest things we can do in this life is bring a new life into this world that is going to go on to live into eternity. I view my children as such precious gifts! For some reason I never thought I would have children of my own. Don't know why but I always thought I would be adopting lots of kids. I think it is awesome when people choose to do this. I think apart from God we wouldn't have been able to bring children into this world because my pregnancies are so complicated. I think all 3 of my girls are little miracles.

Baby wearing

I would like to thank the person who stole my Baby Bjorn active carrier. Someone took it right out of my stroller at a restaurant. If I knew who it was I would send them the box too and they could sell it on ebay. I was depressed about it. Tom's co-workers bought it for us and it was quite expensive. I have since gotten over it because I have found something better - THE MOBY WRAP! It is awesome!! I feel like a hippy. I think it would really be cool to carry around a newborn in this thing...hmmm?! Okay, back to reality!

Going Live

Hey, look at this! I have a voice! Tom set me up to blog yesterday. This may or may not be a good thing. I could get myself in a lot of trouble if my opinions are made public. We'll see where this goes.